Ramblings at midnight

Ever been so tired till you find that the world around you becomes a blur? You slow down as others whizz by. Interaction with the people around become unnecessary, one word, almost unbearable to voice, answers? You long in desperation for that escape to peace. Where being home never felt so good? You settle in and lie down in bed thinking of nothing.

That was me tonight. Tired. Plain anti-social behaviour that, I think, may have caused my 'social suicide'. Did I care? No. Why? Because I am tired.

On a lighter note, daytime was good. Seeing new volunteers, getting to know them and their interest in blessing the children is always heart-warming. I've become more resolved & accepting towards my roles and responsibilities as time passes quickly and illuminates what lies in the months ahead.

I could have been more awake during the lively service but I'll truthfully admit that I was nodding off 1/2 the time. It was a good service though... By dinner, I was in a diminished mood to socialize. What got me though was watching The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus. Interesting show. Really fantasy-based. Not exactly my cup of tea but watching Heath & Depp was good. Blurring in and out of reality & the devil striking deals with Dr Parnassus was quite confusing at first but reckon the gist of it was choosing what's right from wrong. Bah!! Oh well.

I'm just

Accepting change.

I feel like I've lost. As though the things happening around me, the change, has brought a deep sense of inevitable loss in my heart.

I'm dispirited. But detailing specifics, I foresee, would bring a hard painful realization. Perhaps I'm just being 'emo'... for real this time. Am I as adaptable to change as before? Or was I even adaptable to begin with?

You've changed. And I, have since changed. I'll need to learn to accept the fact & find my footing on independent ground.

New Year. Changed you. Misplaced me.

"Everything I once held dear, I count it all as loss;
Lead me to the cross where Your love poured out
And bring me to my knees, Lord, I lay me down"

Blessed to be a Blessing

Ps Dom preached today and I was delighted that my parents attended a service with me! As a family! First time in a long time we worshiped together.

Today's message was a convicting one. We were chosen and predestined to be where we are, who we are & God blessED us with every spiritual gift. Past tense (-ed) denotes He has already blessed us in all circumstance! He chose and adopted us while we were sinners, then poured out all His blessings on us not by drips and drops or by portion but lavishly poured out and keeps pouring!

And it's all because of Christ's completed work to redeem each and every one of us.

If we don't feel like we're blessed, it's because we have not aligned ourselves with God's ordination.

Blessedness is a state of Being, not a state of having.

I like that. Referring to being blessed as a state of Being.

I pray I'll commit to live by faith to keep in alignment with You Lord.

Welcome 2010!!

It'll be a year of Thanksgiving & passing on of blessings!