Then why don't I feel safe???? I feel tortured. Captive in my own house.
I'm so frustrated, I need to vent here. God, I don't have peace at home. Shouldn't home be the place where you can relax and be yourself? I find myself dreading to go home each night now. I have no peace! I wish I could easily pack up and move out. But it's complicated. Where can I find a physical place of solace God?
God I'm so so tired. Mentally, emotionally tired to the extent of not wanting to think about anything or do anything. It's beginning to affect my work. Although work is a good distraction. But I feel like just running away to a spot somewhere to be by myself. My own space to just forget this load of crap that is going on. I'm just not in the mood to do anything right now.
God I'm shaking. I know I have to stay strong but I feel like strength is leaving me. I feel lost. I feel helpless. I don't know what to do or what to say or how to react anymore. It's like I'm a time bomb waiting to explode.
God, you've sent me friends to support me in prayer. But when I meet them I feel like I have to wear a mask. A mask for those who don't know the whole story. Is it ok for me to show my weariness and wear a downcast mood day in day out, week after week to everyone? But if I do, I begin to find it a hassle when other people start asking. I know they care but it's painful to keep sharing the full story over and over again. It's like reliving each torturous moment with every person who's concern.
God, I don't want to lose my sanity. I don't want to let this affect my life. I don't want to reach my limit and break. Please help me. Please.
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